Designing your life is an anatomy of choices

An important component to designing your own life is acknowledging and understanding the choices you have in your life, being willing to make the most of those choices, and leveraging the choices you have to select the best path forward for yourself.

Life is not something that just happens to you. I recently completed my training to become a Certified Canfield Trainer in the Success Principles. The very first principle we focus on is “Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life”. I couldn’t agree more! There is only one person that is responsible for the quality of your life and that is YOU!

The key to designing the life you really want is knowing exactly what your options are and using all the information at your disposal to make the best selection for you. You are where you are in life today because of the choices you have made. You always have choices on how to move forward or how to respond to an event.

Your life is defined by the choices you make. While not everything that happens in your life is up to you, how you respond to life’s circumstances and opportunities is always a matter of choice. Even when you choose not to act or react, you are still making a decision. There is nothing that is beyond your control.

Becoming Aware of Your Choices

There are certain things in life you cannot control. For example, you have no control over the circumstances of your birth or family, your genetic makeup, or the opportunities you were given as a child. However, your choices can override these circumstances.

Your choices determine how you treat others, how hard you work, and the activities in which you engage in… even at an early age. This helps form you into the person you become later in life. As you get older, you have free will to choose who to love, choose your career, and ultimately, what you will strive to achieve in life.

Acknowledging that all of these are choices in life, and not things that happen without your consent, is a big step toward designing your life. Choosing to accept responsibility for these choices, and not to blame life or others for the circumstances in which you find yourself, helps you not only move forward from your past but also accept the tremendous power you have to shape your future.

You already have all the ability within you to choose the life you want and to design the experiences that will lead you to your goal.

Using Self-Knowledge to Make Better Choices

Developing knowledge about yourself, including your fears and insecurities as well as your strengths and gifts, is essential to designing your life and attaining your goals. Until you truly know yourself, which means getting clear about your beliefs and values, you will always be vulnerable to crafting your life to please others or assessing your accomplishments against what others have achieved.

When you become aware of yourself and your inner longings and desires, you can use that information to better inform the design process for your life. Without knowing your true passions, interests, and strengths, though, you are left making decisions based on poor information.

Without self-knowledge, you are more likely to pursue work or other goals that are unsuited to your talents and passions. Instead of choosing what makes you happy, you may opt to go along with the crowd or take the advice of others when you lack sufficient insight into yourself. This type of decision-making can lead you to invest more of yourself and your money in pursuits that don’t make you happy, too.

Life is About Choice

Understanding that life is about choices and you are in charge of those options gives you the power to design the best life for you. Even opting not to choose is a choice, and only you will have to live with the consequences of those choices.

Regardless of your initial circumstances or what you were born with, your life is defined by the choices you make with how to deal with those events and what dreams you strive to attain.

Do you wake up feeling motivated by your life? Or do you just want to go back to sleep? Are you stuck in a comfortable routine? Do you feel that there is something better out there waiting for you? Maybe it is a better job or a better ____ (you fill in the blank) – but you just don’t know where to start? The door to that better job or better ____ is waiting to be opened. The key to that door is… to START! The very first step you have to take is to make a change. A small change. If you are ready to start feeling motivated to get out of bed in the morning, or to go to work, or go to the gym it is time for you to think of small changes that you could make every day. When you have something to look forward to (that new or better … whatever you choose) it is easier to jump out of bed and get started with your day.

Think about Newton’s first law of motion which states that “an object at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by an unbalanced force”. If you want to get unstuck from the same day-to-day activities of your life, leverage the power of making small changes.

If the change that you want to make in your life seem huge to you right now, there are several ways to work past that overwhelming feeling. For example, don’t focus on the big change you have to make. You will just keep wishing, waiting and hoping for something to change instead of being the catalyst for the change. Break that big change down into more manageable, smaller changes. I learned this trick from Brendon Burchard, a popular personal development trainer and author, and from my many years in project management – Whatever your desired change is, break it into five easier, less intimidating steps. Then, if necessary, take each one of those five steps and break them down into smaller action items. (To learn more of Brendon’s tips, check out his book High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way.)

The next step is really important… give each step and action item a deadline. One of my favorite quotes by Napoleon Hill is “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Some people think of deadlines as negative things and they let deadlines stress them out. I get it. When it comes to your job, a deadline can be stressful. But if you have a good plan, you will make it to the finish. This is your life that we are talking about here! Giving yourself a deadline is just one way to encourage yourself to take action. Your deadlines can be as short or as long as you need… just do at least one thing every day to reach your goal. Like I’ve said before, even if you were to take one hit to a tree every day, sooner or later the tree will fall.

Another way to push yourself to take action is to get an accountability partner. This is someone that will push you to reach for your goals, even when you are faced with competing priorities or are tired or simply don’t have the energy. Your accountability partner can be a friend, a family member, or someone that you work with. (If you find that a friend or family member doesn’t push you the way that you need to be pushed, your accountability partner can be someone like me, a Results Coach.)

The ultimate goal here is to take action every day. Even small actions, every day, over time, will eventually get you to where you want to be. Small steps and small changes lead to success. Just do something different. Even if you have to start by drinking water instead of soda, or wearing suits instead of casual wear… making small changes gets you into the change mode.

I use this technique too. I used it when I started my coaching business. Everything seemed so overwhelming… business name, website, training, marketing, etc. I just started taking little actions every day that would get me closer to my goal. And I got an accountability partner.

I decided to use this technique with my health. I want to lose 30 pounds (and keep it off this time) so every week, I will be implementing one positive change for my health. For example, week one, I started drinking at least 64 ounces of water every day. Week two, I started adding 30 minutes of cardio at least 5 days a week. Week three, I will eat at least one serving of fruit every morning. Etc. Then, once I get to my goal weight, I will implement small changes to maintain my weight.

There is a second piece of Newton’s law of motion that says “an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force”. In other words, continuing to make small positive changes will keep the ball rolling in the direction of your goals. This technique enables you to skip having to find the courage or the motivation or the willpower to tackle a big change or a big goal.

By making the choice to design the life you really want, versus letting life just happen to you, you will experience some crucial benefits. Taking control of your life and going after the things that are really important to you can help you not only achieve your dreams but also learn new skills, find new opportunities, and let go of the fears that are holding you back. Here are the top five reasons you should start today to design the life you really want.

#1. You can learn to identify what makes you happy in life.

When you make the decision to design your life the way you want it to be, you have to understand what it is that make you truly happy. When you get in touch with your strengths, your gifts, and what brings you joy and energizes you, you can use this knowledge to put yourself on a path toward something better.

Designing your life starts with an assessment of yourself, and you’ll gain untold new knowledge about what makes you happy in life and how that is likely to change over time.

#2. You can learn to appreciate failures and mistakes as learning opportunities.

When you design your own life, you learn that all the missteps and obstacles that you face in life are not setbacks or failures. Instead, they are opportunities to learn and grow. Being happy in life and achieving your goals is a process. It doesn’t happen all at once, and you don’t know everything you need to know right now to make it all happen.

You have to learn. Learning is a process of trial and error and learning from your mistakes. Designing your life allows you the freedom to set your sights on a goal that makes you happy. Designing your life will help you be at peace with the process of learning and evolving that must happen in order for you to achieve that dream. 

#3. You can find a fulfilling career. And then find a new one.

Designing your own life means you don’t have to be stuck in your current job. You can reach for new aspirations at any point in your existence. The design process teaches you to imagine many different futures, all of which could make you happy, and to understand that finding work that energizes you and brings you joy and passion shouldn’t be a lofty goal that is unachievable.

Designing your life means you pick the one job that fulfills you today, and when that stops being your passion, you know you have the skills and mindset to find the next great opportunity.

 #4. You can learn to navigate the biggest decision points in your life with ease.

Designing your life teaches you how to assess, make evaluations, envision multiple outcomes, and select among many different choices.

These are all essential life skills when it comes to not only designing your life but also making tough decisions along the way. Once you feel confident that your design process works and is bringing you happiness, you will start to see how these skills are transferable to all the decision-making points in your life.

#5. You can imagine multiple futures for yourself, then decide which to pursue.

Design is a process that involves choices and options. When you design the life you really want, you take the time to imagine multiple futures and varied pathways.

You see that several different options could bring you joy, and you are reminded that there is not one right future or path for you. Knowing this is freeing, allowing you to change directions in the future or start again when you find your passion and joy waning.